I was thinking earlier today about the fact that my first two blogs were pretty dim, dark even. I thought I’d better write something a little positive if I was going to claim my little space of the blog world. Here’s some insight for the ones that have read the two excerpts from my book, The Healing House. There will be three volumes. The first volume is about the transformation that’s going on in the present. I’m in the middle of the painful part so my writings tend to be a bit dim and depressing. It’s part of the process so I encourage you to stay tuned. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. My fear will be replaced with boldness, my anger with love, my resentment with acceptance, and my sadness with joy….oh and so much more. If you haven’t figured it out yet, the Surgeon in The Healing House is God, and God restores.
The restoration will be beautiful, uplifting, encouraging, and healing, but first we must go there. I’ve looked inward plenty of times before, but I’ve always been frightened away by what was lurking there. Many times I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t. I didn’t have the strength to tackle the task. I was overwhelmed by what I saw, startled by the alarms that were set off by the mere breaking of the plane of the threshold to my soul. I retreated.
Now I am filled with passion for telling my story. I know that I will be healed in the process, and I have faith that others will as well. The other strange thing about this time is that I’m not running from what I’m feeling. I feel horrible at times, exhausted from reliving the painful experiences, yet I’m driven to continue. In a way, I want to sit in the darkness a bit longer. Maybe it’s because it’s become comfortable, predictable, or maybe I just want to full explosion of excitement when moving from darkness to light. I’m clinging to the darkness in hopes that I don’t forget what it feels like. For if I forget the darkness, I will lose appreciation for the light.
While thinking of this on the way home from a friend’s house tonight, I had to giggle. One of my favorite hobbies is photography. As I was thinking about the contrast of darkness and light, I was reminded that this is probably my favorite thing to photograph–light peaking in through dark, dim-lighted areas. I looked through thousands of pictures and found hundreds of these type photos. I felt like these were intentional “God-winks.” I’m reminded of how playful, clever, and funny God can be. He rarely jumps out at you. He frequently peaks around the corner, maybe tosses a little pebble to get your attention. That’s exactly what He’s been doing with the peaking light, reminding me that He is ever present.
Even in the darkest of times, He’s there, just around the corner. He’s peaking through tree limbs, through an open window, glowing in the horizon, flickering in and out through leaves blowing on the trees. As I move through the darkness, I will console myself with the fact that He is with me. I will remind you that He is with you also. Don’t be afraid. Don’t turn away. Stay!