A good friend shared what she was reading about perfectionism. What she explained rang so true to me. It made me realize the core of my issues, the deepest root of evil in the tree that is my life, is perfectionism. I’ve always strived for it, believed it was what I needed in order to be accepted, applauded, celebrated, successful, etc. It has grown in me like a root breaking through and creating its own space inside every part of my life. As a child I had to be the perfect daughter. As an adult I have had to be the perfect mother, wife, friend, teacher, leader, Christian, airman, medic, but for who rather than me? Nobody required perfection of me, it is I that required it of myself. At this moment I’m forgiving myself for placing this burden on my soul. It has weighted me down with disappointment, shame, regret, and sorrow.
Perfectionism is an easy thing to get caught up in. We celebrate it all the time; the perfect 10 in gymnastics, the perfect wedding, the perfect baby, the perfect job, or the perfect vacation spot. We look for perfection in everything. Just google the word perfect and you’ll find millions of perfect things, people, places, or so you think. Nothing is absolutely perfect, at least nothing I can think of. Even if one person or a group of people deem something “perfect,” you could surely find one or more flaws if you were to look close enough. Perfection is subjective for the most part. It depends on how you look and feel about something. For instance, The Healing House.
As I’ve mentioned in my bio and my blogs, I’m remodeling a home built in the 1900s. As I’m nearing completion of this project, I’ve become very aware of the fact that this home will never be “perfect.” The walls are not true, the floors are not level, there’s paint that is peeling and cracking, yet I love this house. It doesn’t have to be perfect for me to love it. In my eyes it’s absolutely beautiful. The really cool thing is that through this process I’m learning that I don’t have to be perfect either. I don’t have to be the perfect anything in order to be loved. I know that God loves me no matter what. I know that He knows my heart and understands my good intentions. I also know that just as I accept others with their imperfections, some will accept me with my imperfections as well. For those that don’t, well, they probably wouldn’t be good to keep around anyway.
Thanks to my friend and what she shared today, I’m aware of the place perfection has occupied in my life, and today I’m letting go of it. It will take a while to be freed from its hold entirely, but I’m starting now. I’m going to go forward with awareness, and when I see perfection trying to breakthrough parts of my life, I’ll pray for release. I encourage others with this disease to do the same. It doesn’t have to be a long prayer. You don’t have to get on your knees every morning and ask God to protect you from it. Together, let’s simply be aware, and when we feel it creeping in say, “God you have released me from perfection.” Let’s claim our victory over it. Let’s claim freedom from perfection RIGHT NOW!
Thank you JG!